The Mission & The Prayer.
Life is lifeing. Let’s get it.
Last night I had a long talk with an old friend from my first club ever. It ended up getting raided and I quickly left for Milwaukee. He is definitely an on sight kind of guy. I remember loving him as much I was a little afraid or intimidated. He asked me last night, “I just felt you needed someone to listen to you, and care for you at that time in your life. Why didn’t you ever get closer to me?” It was hard for me to answer, honestly at least. I wasn’t sure how to explain, you know back then, I was so afraid, all the time. I had been alone in the city with my son, courts breathing down my neck, afraid of a system that had hurt me as a child doing the same to me as a mom again. Long after I had left, he still checked on me and made sure I finished school.
These days, whenever a case goes out the door, I sleep with less assurance until it is approved. Next week, it will be my first time filing an appearance. Before this time, I have ghost written. From motions to responses to applications, and appeals. It has long been a dream to be authorized to practice both law and social work. The past continues to collide with the present. Each small step is one more step toward the next thing, toward the ultimate goals and destiny God holds for our lives.
This is a journey I have prayed for and continue to thank God for. From our little studio on North Avenue. I remember a big dealer who came with a lot of cash now and then told me, I was never going to be as big as him, because I was “just a dancer” and a bartender. I couldn’t resent him fully, because a lot of men who seemed bad on the outside funded me to finish my education. One man even came back with presents for my little boy, and told me he had regrets about how he had lived his life earlier. I didn’t accept the gifts, because I felt like it would be taking advantage of his pain, but I hugged him and it was a real hug, not a hug from a hoe in the club. It was little things like that I kind of learned not to internalize, even as a younger mom feeling alone, a then-partner periodically present, locked up or MIA, trying to graduate, trying to find support and feel real love. I always had the love of my family, even when they weren’t fully aware of all I was going through. So supportive, so loving, praying for me and my son to see it through to the other side.
Making choices back then broke my heart but allowed me to move forward and into the light where all women and moms belong. I’m so thankful, and understand more, the gravity of these opportunities to represent people and communities I care for and am a part of. Together, we rise. I am grateful to those who gave me the tools and the courage to want more and go get it. Who accepted me as I am.
I pray for protection over our cases, our clients, and our communities. And that God will give me the focus, the will, and the frame of mind to file successfully, with a sound and sharp mind, and competence for all people. I pray for continued opportunities for my education, and my community to access justice and healing for one another.
It’s a quiet milestone, one in the making for some years now. And I hope not the last. I pray for continued success and approval, yes, and healing, all in the same. So much love for our communities. I’m thankful that God has carried me to this point, both my son and me.
